Submission in Marriage

Submission in marriage can be really hard. Submission itself sounds like a dirty word. Dogs submit to their owners, but wives and husbands? This concept today has been completely twisted by a secular world view. Submitting to your husband is a very beautiful and self-sacrificing thing to do, and the same for him. Ephesians 5 is probably the clearest Biblical instruction on how we should submit to each other in marriage.

What do you mean by submission?

Submission kind of sounds like you’re just being bossed around, but that is not the case! Submission implies a respect for the other and a very strong sense of trust. Think back to why you married your spouse: you loved them and trust them to always take care of you and be thinking of your best interest. In marriage then, we should see this trust manifest in different ways. One of those is trusting your spouse to make wise decisions for your family. One example of this in my own marriage happens in terms of money and watching the kids. Sometimes my husband and I don’t always agree on the best way to budget for that month or we disagree on what bills need paid first. In these kinds of situations, I trust him to make the best decision for our family. Not because he’s a man or because he’s smarter than me. It’s simply because I know he loves us and will make a good decision for us.

Sometimes this can be hard and I want to argue because my pride takes over. What if I am smarter than him and what if I know better and can do better than him?!! Is he crazy?! This is where submission comes into play. I just simply have to remember that I love my husband and I trust him. I will let him take the lead because I know in my heart that he will do the right thing. When it comes to watching the kids, sometimes I want to take the girls out to do something fun. If I want to take them to go visit their grandparents or go to the park, my husband trusts me to make a good decision to keep them safe and happy. It isn’t because I’m a woman or I think I know better than him. He does trust me to make good decisions when it comes to our kids, though. Maybe he might want to argue with me about it too, but at the end of the day, he lets me take the lead. Submission is all about take and give and trusting fully in your spouse. What does Paul say about marriage?

Well, let’s take a look at Ephesians 5:21-31.

Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

So we can see here that Paul is pretty clear, and I think this is supposed to be taken pretty literally. Submission is a two way street of respecting one another. The husband should always have the lead in marriage and big decisions, because a husband will always make the best decisions for his family. We also see that this passage probably addresses husbands more than it does wives. Husbands are told that they are supposed to always protect their wives, present their wives as blameless and keep them safe from sin, and even die for them! Husbands are supposed to nourish and cherish their wives like they would their own flesh. A husband and wife do become one flesh, after all.

How are wives supposed to submit in marriage?

Another thing I would like to point out is that this passage says “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself it’s Savior.” We see this beautiful analogy of marriage and the church, which has a clear hierarchy. Think about how the Church and Christ interact with one another. The Church (the wife) loves and honors and cherishes Christ (the husband). The Church shows reverence and respect towards Christ and Christ protects the Church, loves it, and keeps it safe from sin. Notice that Christ doesn’t boss the Church around, tell the Church what to do all the time or yell at it when it doesn’t meet His expectations. He gently guides and leads with love all of us who are part of it. Likewise, the Church doesn’t get angry with Christ when they don’t get what they want or when prayers don’t get answered. The Church stays with Christ and still, respectfully and reverently with so much love, honor Christ.

What does that mean for submission in my own marriage?

Submission in marriage will look different for every couple. I know for me, one thing I have to work on is my pride and just letting my husband make the decisions he thinks are best. Maybe you get really impatient with your husband or you want to just tell him how to do everything. When we see our marriage like an analogy of the Church and Christ, we see that we should be always showing respect and love towards one another, even when we aren’t feeling super close or feeling like we are understanding each other. It can be really hard to let someone else lead you, but we have to learn to release control and let others be intimate with us and love us. That includes leading us and making good decisions for us! Hopefully this post gave you some insight and some inspiration of a new way to look at your marriage. Leave a comment down below with ways that you submit in your own marriage or ways that you can improve together!