Alright, time for some honesty. As a Catholic, we have probably heard the phrase, “Memento Mori”, Latin for “remember your death”. We are told and hear people saying they are so excited to go to Heaven one day, or that they look forward to meeting Jesus one day. Well, that’s not how I’m feeling. I am terrified and sad and anxious.
Especially if you are a parent, you’ve probably had that thought. What will my kids do when I’m gone? What will I be leaving behind? Will I be forgotten? How much time do I have? All of these thoughts and more have been plaguing me for a while. Years, actually. They have come and gone at some times more strongly than others, but they are always there. So I wanted to share this story that made me think of it differently.
We had a fun little meeting for my parish with a priest as our guest speaker. Our little chat was about making our prayer life stronger and also bringing others into it. He told us this story about a very young mom of 8 children who was diagnosed with cancer. She had an amazing husband and a very supportive husband and was very confident everything would be okay. She believed that God would carry her through it, and He did! She did end up being completely healed (spoiler alert). She was constantly positive and remaining optimistic about what was happening to her family and never shed a tear. Then, something changed.
While she was in the shower (like most moms) she had a moment to herself to think. She thought about all that God had provided for them and the amazing strength he had given her. She felt God calling to her and ask, “Do you trust me?” Of course! Why wouldn’t she? She trusted God with everything in her. Then, the next question turned her into a sobbing mess.
“But do you trust me to take care of your family without you?”
Our babies are our lives. Our families need us to keep the world spinning. To our families, we are completely irreplaceable. We fear the world might fall apart without us. Yes, we trust God, but do we trust God with the things we love the most? Do we believe God can love our families like we can, nourish them, take care of them? I hate to think about all the things I might miss for my kids if I weren’t here one day: weddings, anniversaries, births. I would do anything to be there for every little thing. I want to hug and hold my babies when they’re sad, when they’re lonely, when they get disappointed, all of it. I want to wipe all their tears away and make sure they are happy and healthy always.
The sad truth though, is that I might not get to be there for all of that. So, do I trust that God will be there when I can’t be? All of these things make me ponder my own life and what I want. I want to spend the time with my kids, teaching them, playing with them, learning, exploring, adventuring. I still have anxiety about dying. I still have very scary thoughts that I might not get rid of, ever, or maybe for years. But do I trust God?
Do you trust God to take care of the people you love without you here?
Leave a Reply